Sun 18 February 2024 | 7.30pm | £18.50

The Varnishing Days is the heart-stopping, glasses-dropping, hard-rocking, wig-shaking, levothyroxine-taking, knee-knocking, boot-licking, justifying, teeth rattling, digressing new show from stand up comedian to the stars John Kearns.

Go silent as I walk on! Acknowledge when something funny happens! Leave discussing dinner plans! Others will be implicated.

Points will be circled and missed. Hell, it’s a man trying his best!

When I visit your town dogs will start barking, as will clergy. Your microwave will go haywire. The lights in your vestibule will flicker and the Bank of England will nervously look at interest rates.

On the day I write this, the pound has hit an all time low against the dollar. Mark my words. This show will break that record again and again and again.

“As original and beguiling as any comedian in Britain” ★★★★ The Times

“A toothy, tragicomic delight… cult purveyor of mock-heroic suburban standup” ★★★★ The Guardian

“There is something quite magical about the world John Kearns creates… exquisite to watch” i ★★★★

“A very funny man with a profound understanding of the human condition” ★★★★ The Scotsman